Would you rather?

Would you rather read about a man who had two wives or a woman who was a thief?
I know, I know, neither sounds interesting. That’s because I left out the details.

I can’t decide. So I’ll write about both – starting with the bigamist.

A 61-year-old Kansas resident was recently caught with two wives. This, of course, is not an entirely unheard of scandal. However, both wives lived in the same apartment complex.
Now, I’m not sure about you, but that is something new to me.
And the scam went on for three years!

Even more surprising, in my opinion, is that the man had married one woman 22 years prior to the incident. Now, you may say he was tired of his first wife but reluctant to divorce her – too afraid, too complicated, etc. – but another interesting thing is that the second woman is around the same age as the first. So he obviously doesn’t have a problem with his wife’s age – the first one – and that suggests there wasn’t a problem with sex drives, since one could assume that two 50-year-old women would have similar…urges.

Another thing: the man stole from the second wife. Yeah! He stole jewelry and money. So what’s up with that? Was he stealing from the second wife in order to support the first?

And how did he meet this “other woman,” anyway? Were they checking their mailboxes at the same time one sunny spring day? Or did he glimpse her strolling through the parking lot while he was relaxing on his porch? And how did this woman not realize that he was married? I guess the man, his wife, and his other wife didn’t have many friends in the apartment complex; otherwise, you would think rumors would spread.

Oh, wait. They did.

The second wife went to the first wife’s apartment to confront the man! Can you imagine being the first wife? Or the guy? I mean, what exactly do you do in that situation?
Well, I know what the women do: they call the police. As well they should.

Sources aren’t even certain if the second wife knew her husband had another wife when she went to confront him. Maybe she thought he had a mistress.

Oh, that’s great. Juggling two wives for three years, and they live in the same apartment complex. That guy could get away with an insanity plea.


In other news, what should you do when you get caught stealing from church?

Well, blame Satan, of course. I mean, the churchgoers are way more likely to buy that than your average citizen, right?
Actually, no. Because churchgoers like money just as much as anyone else.

Although, the fact that the stolen money amounted to $73,000 might have something to do with the lack of forgiveness. I could be wrong.

Anyway, she was an administrative assistant at the church who forged her pastor’s signature. And although you would normally find such going-ons in a Baptist church, this was actually in a Methodist church.
I know. I was shocked, too.

And no, the woman did not foolishly claim to be possessed. All she said was that Satan had a big part in her sins. That makes sense – I mean, what is she going to say? “God made me do it! He’s eeeeevil!” No. That wouldn’t work nearly as well.
The 62-year-old woman told detectives that she used to money to cover household expenses. Apparently she couldn’t bear the thought of losing her home. That brings to mind the question: if she had actually gone to the pastor for help, would he have helped her?


What have we learned?
Well, apparently old people are all about making mischief. Seriously, just look at my last few entries. They’re all about old people! I don’t do this kind of thing on purpose, you know.

Also, two wives don’t make a…a…no, that won’t work at all, will it? Oh, well.

Published in: on March 22, 2009 at 2:32 am  Comments (2)  
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I couldn’t think of a proper title for this post, so I went with how I feel: speechless. Speechless at the stupidity of people today.

First, let me just say that I have found yet another instance of misusing 911. A women in Florida (why does this keep happening in Florida?) called 911 not once, not twice, but three times because of…well…McDonald’s. Apparently she ordered a ten-pack of everyone’s favorite processed chicken nuggets, and then she was told that they were out, and no, she couldn’t have a refund (all sales final!), but she could have another meal – even a more expensive one – instead. I guess Latreasa L. Goodman really wanted those chicken nuggets, because she absolutely refused to take this deal. Although if I had been her, I would’ve ordered a really big hamburger, with fries, and a large drink, and a McFlurry. Yeah…that’s why I don’t eat at McDonald’s anymore.

The best part is, a McDonald’s spokesperson noted that Goodman should have been issued a refund, and she’s been sent a gift card for a free meal. Along with a citation for misusing 911. You can’t win ’em all, I guess.


Anyway, onto the real story of the day. There is a website in France where children can enlist the help of older students…to do their homework for them.
For a small fee, of course.
Needless to say, parents and teachers are outraged, and I imagine the students are quite thrilled. Here’s a quote:

On faismesdevoirs.com (domyhomework.com), children will be able to buy answers to simple maths problems for 5 euros (4.40 pounds), while a full end-of-year presentation complete with slides and speaking notes will cost 80 euros.

That’s about $6.30 for math problems, and $100.89 for the other thing, whatever it’s supposed to be.

Teachers are complaining that this website is ignoring the point of education, which is to learn how to add 2+2, not how to lose all your money at the age of six. Which brings to mind the question, “Where the hell are these kids getting this money?” I have no idea.
The founder of the website, Stephane Boukris, is claiming that students will still learn, because the answers come with annotations on how to do the problem. And of course the students will read those annotations, right?
On the other hand, the founder also said, “I realised there was a gap in the market. Add to that a dose of insolence, a zest of arrogance and the internet [sic], and you have faismesdevoirs.com,” which to me seems a bit like he doesn’t care if students actually learn how to do their homework, as long as he can make money.

Hey, in this economy, can you blame him?

It gets better. He also said, “Of course some schoolchildren might use the system to cheat, but they’ll have to learn sooner or later because we won’t be there on exam day.” This statement is not only true, it’s also hilariously evil.

Anyway, his blatant evilness is not what’s grinding my nerves about this. It’s that students are actually paying people to do their homework! Do you know why that’s stupid? I’ll tell you why.
Go to Google. Right now. Type in “What’s the square root of 157,895?”  Here’s what Google has to say:
square root(157 895) = 397.360038

So why are you paying someone to do what you can get for free?!
Now, granted, this is in France, but I can only assume that Google works the same in France as it does in America. If not, please let me know, and my outrage at this matter may disappear.
Until that point, what have we learned? That schoolchildren have the means to get hundreds of dollars to pay for their homework, but they don’t have the means to manipulate the Internet properly. And for that, they deserve to fail their math tests.

Published in: on March 4, 2009 at 1:20 pm  Leave a Comment