Would you rather?

Would you rather read about a man who had two wives or a woman who was a thief?
I know, I know, neither sounds interesting. That’s because I left out the details.

I can’t decide. So I’ll write about both – starting with the bigamist.

A 61-year-old Kansas resident was recently caught with two wives. This, of course, is not an entirely unheard of scandal. However, both wives lived in the same apartment complex.
Now, I’m not sure about you, but that is something new to me.
And the scam went on for three years!

Even more surprising, in my opinion, is that the man had married one woman 22 years prior to the incident. Now, you may say he was tired of his first wife but reluctant to divorce her – too afraid, too complicated, etc. – but another interesting thing is that the second woman is around the same age as the first. So he obviously doesn’t have a problem with his wife’s age – the first one – and that suggests there wasn’t a problem with sex drives, since one could assume that two 50-year-old women would have similar…urges.

Another thing: the man stole from the second wife. Yeah! He stole jewelry and money. So what’s up with that? Was he stealing from the second wife in order to support the first?

And how did he meet this “other woman,” anyway? Were they checking their mailboxes at the same time one sunny spring day? Or did he glimpse her strolling through the parking lot while he was relaxing on his porch? And how did this woman not realize that he was married? I guess the man, his wife, and his other wife didn’t have many friends in the apartment complex; otherwise, you would think rumors would spread.

Oh, wait. They did.

The second wife went to the first wife’s apartment to confront the man! Can you imagine being the first wife? Or the guy? I mean, what exactly do you do in that situation?
Well, I know what the women do: they call the police. As well they should.

Sources aren’t even certain if the second wife knew her husband had another wife when she went to confront him. Maybe she thought he had a mistress.

Oh, that’s great. Juggling two wives for three years, and they live in the same apartment complex. That guy could get away with an insanity plea.


In other news, what should you do when you get caught stealing from church?

Well, blame Satan, of course. I mean, the churchgoers are way more likely to buy that than your average citizen, right?
Actually, no. Because churchgoers like money just as much as anyone else.

Although, the fact that the stolen money amounted to $73,000 might have something to do with the lack of forgiveness. I could be wrong.

Anyway, she was an administrative assistant at the church who forged her pastor’s signature. And although you would normally find such going-ons in a Baptist church, this was actually in a Methodist church.
I know. I was shocked, too.

And no, the woman did not foolishly claim to be possessed. All she said was that Satan had a big part in her sins. That makes sense – I mean, what is she going to say? “God made me do it! He’s eeeeevil!” No. That wouldn’t work nearly as well.
The 62-year-old woman told detectives that she used to money to cover household expenses. Apparently she couldn’t bear the thought of losing her home. That brings to mind the question: if she had actually gone to the pastor for help, would he have helped her?


What have we learned?
Well, apparently old people are all about making mischief. Seriously, just look at my last few entries. They’re all about old people! I don’t do this kind of thing on purpose, you know.

Also, two wives don’t make a…a…no, that won’t work at all, will it? Oh, well.

Published in: on March 22, 2009 at 2:32 am  Comments (2)  
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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. […] Would you rather? « Said the Spider to the Fly […]

  2. Where do you get news like these from? You make a good mockery of them though.

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