I Shot the Babysitter, but I did not Shoot the Bank Teller

I have a couple thoughts on my mind, which either means this is going to be a long post or I’m going to have two posts.
Or, let’s face it, I’ll just not write about both things. Obviously I’m lazy; if I wasn’t, then I would have updated this lovely blog while on Christmas break. Although I’m technically still on break for two more days, so I don’t feel too lazy.

Anyway, a few days ago I read about a 4-year-old who shot his babysitter with a shotgun after the babysitter (accidentally) stepped on the child’s foot.
Guess what? The child hasn’t been charged.
This story made me somewhat uneasy, not in the least because it reminded me of a recent Bones episode. Really, though, what troubled me was the fact that a child – no, a baby – could find a shotgun and operate it. Amazingly, the kid – who apparently shall remain unnamed – even told people that he was mad at Nathan (the babysitter) and was going to get a gun. People thought he meant a toy gun. Because how many 4-year-old kids do you know who would get a shotgun and shoot their 18-year-old babysitter?
My sister once locked a babysitter out of the house. That babysitter should feel blessed.
There are so many things wrong with the story. The kid’s anger problems – where did he learn to handle his problems with such violence? The presence of a shotgun in a home with a child present – I’m not sure, though, if the home was that of the child’s, but it probably was, since he knew where to locate the gun. The fact that guns are so easy, young children can operate them – would it really be a problem to make guns a bit harder to use? Sure, keep police guns and military guns easy to draw and shoot, but that’s about it.

Anyway, I was almost willing to let the story pass, as I really did think it was more of a fluke than anything. But today I read a story about a 6-year-old in Virginia who missed the bus. No, he didn’t shoot anyone, but he did take the family car and attempt to drive himself. Unsurprisingly, the boy crashed, but not before “made at least two 90-degree turns, passed several cars and ran off [a] rural two-lane road.” Miraculously, he survived with minor injuries, and was even able to attend school after receiving a check-up at a local hospital. Normally I would say that the kid was gypped, but let’s face it: he really wanted to be at school. After he crashed, he actually left the car and started walking. To school. That must be a really good school.
His parents were asleep, by the way, but they were charged with child endangerment. I have no idea why. Was it because he stole the keys and took their car? Or was it because the car was in the driveway? I think it’s a bit ridiculous.
Here’s something even more ridiculous: the child told police that he learned to drive from playing Grand Theft Auto and Monster Truck Jam. I don’t know anything about the latter, but I do know that no responsible parent would knowingly allow their child to play GTA.

What have we learned so far? Parents suck.

Oh, but it’s not over yet!

Have you ever wanted to rob a bank? I have. I wouldn’t, because I really don’t want to mess up my life, but sometimes I am pretty desperate for money. And sometimes I let my imagination run wild.

This genius, however, decided to allow his imagination freedom, and he actually did rob a bank.
Not a big deal. He was a 24-year-old, obviously low on cash, and he’s actually kind of a cutie.
Here’s the catch: he stood in line. Wearing a ski mask.
Here’s a bigger catch: he actually robbed the bank. Sure, he was arrested a few minutes later, following a brief car chase, but somehow, the bank security didn’t stop to think, “Maybe that character in the ski mask is trouble. Maybe we should ask him to remove his mask…” No, no, they actually stood by as the guy progressed in line to the bank teller, who had the brains to ask him to remove the mask. It was at this point that he pulled out a toy gun. I guess she couldn’t tell it was a toy (sometimes they really are realistic, and I’m assuming he didn’t use a water pistol), because she gave him some money.
Anyway, the happy ending is that he was caught, but still: he STOOD IN LINE. Wearing a SKI MASK. And NOBODY thought to stop him.

So, what else have we learned? If you’re at a bank next to a guy in a SKI MASK – leave. And maybe call the cops on your way out. And don’t go back to the bank, since the security is obviously terrible.

Published in: on January 10, 2009 at 12:10 am  Comments (3)  
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